Here we go: Unacceptable -SH**:
Acceptable replacements: Bowel movement, excriment, fecal matter, sign-grandpa taught me that one while dear hunting, just after he told me to take off those dang gloves boy, the only thing you can do with gloves on is mess your pants! anyway where was I, oh yes the list. Defecation, stool, yesterdays lunch, pooh, dung, turds, poop, droppings, crap. By the way if the past tense for sit is sat and the past tense for spit is spat, then shouldn't the past tense for Sh** be Shat! Behold I have shat my pants! Dude, that guy really shat on me! Smells like someone shat in the conference room. Hey I think this could work, especially if you say it in a british accent, I say, I believe that I have shat myself.
Unacceptable: Take a Shi**!
Acceptable: I have to: duke, drop a chunky, push a stool, take a crap (by the way, why don't we leave a crap) have a bowel movement, drop trowl, leave a pile, drop a load, pinch a loaf, fertilize the fields, make poopy, do doo doo, soil some linens, drop the boys of at the pool, feed the fish and my personal favorite-Punch a Grumpy!!!
Unacceptable: He**! Acceptable: Hades, heck, everlasing inferno, satan's spa, lawyers r us, Lucifers place, pits of darkness and despair, and eternal doom!
Unacceptable: Da** or Da**it
Acceptable: Darn, dang, dadgum dadblasted, dingleberrys, dastardly, darnit, dangit, dagnabbit, darndable, dadblastid, and dashnaggit.
Unacceptable: The "F" bomb and it's -ing derivitive
Acceptable: Fornicate, fetch, frik, frack, F'd, and copulate, freakin, frikin, friggin, fornicating, makin whoopy, hidin the sausage, buryin the bone, slippin the wilbur, takin the worm fishin, bumpin uglies, grinding, doing the love dance, the sheet samba, tango for two, and rollin in the hay.
Unacceptable: Son of a Bit**!
Acceptable: Son of a Bishop's Granddaughter, son of gun, son of a cow biscuit, go home to the female dog that whelped you, (look up whelped if you don't know that word.), son of a hair lip hoover salesman, son of a stuttering salsa salesman, son of a stiff legged stripper, son of ______ fan(your favorite rival), son of a drunken sailer, and son of a nutcracker (from Elf). Please add your own!
