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noftbl4me

Euphuism's 101

Name: Private | Gender: Private | Member Since September 10, 2007
Current Level: Superstar | Email: Private
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Posted on: April 9, 2008 6:37 pm
Edited on: April 11, 2008 12:03 am
 

Personal Greed and Stupidity

I got an e-mail a couple of months ago that suggested not buying gas for a day and the certain day was specified. The day came and went nothing really happened, I'm sure that the gas sales decreased somewhat that day and a select few, including me felt better for sticking it to the "big oil" dudes. Truth be told i just didn't need gas that day, but joined the bandwagon anyway. After taking the time to pull my head out of my rumpus I realized that the idea of not buying gas for one day was truly stupid! Along the lines of no playoff for major college football stupid, but I digress. I am certain that the gas sales both the day before and after were more than doubled to make up for it.

While I lived in Argentina I always found it fascinating that some blowhard yo-yo head could get himself/herself into the papers and onto television and call the public to action for really anything, I remember a few nationwide boycotts of chicken, telephone service and yes even gasoline. The way it would come about was pretty much this: Step 1. Blowhard gets on television and makes papers the same day. Step 2. While on T.V. and in papers makes a threat that the entire country will grind to a halt if "whatever" weren't lowered on or before "plug in date here". Step 3. Sometimes government would make feeble attempt to pacify the 'angry masses' represented by a blowhard yo-yo head. Step 4. On the predetermined date if an acceptable solution were not offered up the blowhard would tell everyone to go home and not return to work until the prices went down! Guess what? They went home and had several days of unpaid vacation time. The entire country would grind to a halt and the 'whatever prices' would come back down. Maybe it worked because Argentines are overworked and needed a good vacation anyway, maybe they were lazy and would take any excuse to take a few days off. The bottom line is that it would work so who cares why!

Let's face it the Dems want high gas prices cause they're in bed with the tree huggers, the Reps are in the pockets of the oil companies, so who's looking out for us?

So I pose the question, If we tried a nationwide strike in the U.S. to get the oil companies attention would it work?

The answer is no and the reasons are few. They are #1 We are too greedy. #2 We are too busy. #3 We are too stupid to realize that it would probably work. #4 We would have to work together and someone would have to take the credit for organizing it and Heaven forbid we pull together in this country for a common goal! #5 We would probably need a permit to throw a strike, and where the crap do we get one?

The bad news for us, we will be paying $4.00 per gallon before Memorial Day. (Where I live we are already at 3.43) The worse news, we will bend over and take it. There is absolutely no justification for the gas prices being so high. I have positively had it with the "a mosquito bit a rig worker on the ear in Saudi Arabia and that caused a tidal wave on a small island in the Philippines and two barrels of crude oil were washed to sea, so that means an 11 cent per gallon increase at the pump crappolla story."

Seriously, am I the only one in the country that has caught on to the 8 up 2 down game we've been getting hit with for the last 10-15 years. In case you haven't noticed it goes like this: Every year before Memorial Day weekend and Labor Day weekend it is announced that something has happened in the middle east and we will probably see an increase at the gas pump for the holiday weekend! We see an immediate 8-10 cent jump the thursday afternoon before the weekend. The next wednesday gas prices drop back down 2-4 cents a gallon and we all breath easier thinking we are going to be fine. Just exactly how stupid do they think we are? I can answer that as well, pretty darn stupid! We have taken this and will continue to take this without saying, Screw you!! We aren't doing it anymore!! Have some respect and just come out and say, "listen we want to make more money and quite frankly you guys don't seem to react when we raise prices, so bend over here comes another hike!"

Until we are willing to collectively go on strike and do it all together this will continue! Gasoline is a necessary evil and until we find something affordable that is better it is all we have. I just wish we could "temporarily import" a couple million Argentines cause they know how to get stuff done!

Category: General
Posted on: January 31, 2008 5:19 pm
 

When is the last time YOU ---

Destroyed a public toilet?

I'll start, I just posted this on another thread and figured it would be a good blog!

About two weeks ago I had just recovered (I thought) from a stomach ailment, I woke up feeling great, hungry as heck went out to breakfast with some buddies, instead of the usual, I had biscuits and gravy, side of eggs, half stack of belgian waffles and just to re-grease the equipment, slammed a couple five pieces of bacon and three or seven sausage links down the old food flume. Well usually i just drink a 50/50 mix of O.j. and Cranberry juice. When we gave the order my buddy asks if I am on a diet, and I say "no, just getting over the flu a bit and thought I would take it easy for the morning. He pipes up with "Dude, you need to drink this herbal south american citrus tea that they serve here, you'll feel tons better and it will clean all of that crap out of your system." I figure what the heck, I order the tea, the waitress brings it just as the food gets there, and after I had polished off the 50/50 cranoj.

The stuff was citrusy not in really a good way, more of a grapefruit, melon, horseradish sort of way. After emptying the sugar packets from ours and the surrounding tables, to get rid of the melon taste, I managed to choke the stuff down. The rest of breakfast was pretty calm, nothing real interesting, but to make a short story long. I part company with the lads and head off to get some stuff done. I get about three blocks away from the restaurant and Charlie Brown's School Teacher starts screaming at me. (WHAAAWHAAAWHAAMMPPH) My Stomach and lower g.i. tract cramp up like I'd been shot, my butt checks pucker shut and every fiber of my being is now focused on nothing other than getting to a John and quick. As luck would have it I was coming up on the local Chevron, I cut across three lanes of traffic, almost took out an octogenarian toting an oxygen tank while chain smoking, (she gave me the bird) ran over the curb, skidded to a stop and left the truck running and ran as fast as an overweight middle aged penguin can run, I come around the corner fling open the door to the can, grab the stall door and tear it off it's hinges while entering, I knock the little kid out of the way, (he was just buttoning up his pants) I yell RUN, RUN for your life! He Ran, the little miscreant didn't even wash his hands. I manage to get situated just in the nick of time, then a series of explosions that I could only describe as carpet bombing went off! I had no idea i had that in me! Well the volcano simmered down and it was time for a courtesy flush and guess what, The little miscreant had clogged the toilet! So I rush to the garbage can, dead bolt the door and start the cleanup third world style, meanwhile the toxic waste is flowing everywhere and has now clogged the floor drain, so it's gettin ugly fast, i do a haphazard cleaning job, jump over the puddle to wash my hands. Step out of the bathroom and make a mad dash for the truck. I don't think I can every show my face in that place again!

Category: General
Posted on: January 16, 2008 8:09 pm
 

Physical for an over forty!

So I go to the Doctor today for the annual physical, this was my first over forty-if you now what I mean! Wow what a treat, I became intimately with my Doctor. I think i will finally break down and get a tattoo, It will be placed just above my crack and read "Exit Only!"

After a very thorough examination I was diagnosed with the following:

I am an arthritic narcoleptic turrets suffer with a mild to severe case of irritable bowl syndrome!!

I asked the Doc what the heck that meant and he said, "It means that you won't be able to open the bottle of narcolepsy medicine so you'll fall asleep at work and when someone wake's you, you'll shout random obscenities at them while crapping your pants!!" Doesn't that sound fun.

By the way, piece of advise for the late thirty something male crowd, If your Doctor has huge fat fingers, change Doctors before you hit the big 4-0!!

Category: General
Tags: 40, Crap, Doctors
Posted on: January 15, 2008 6:33 pm
 

Words you can't use on Sporstline

To all of the sportsline fans that have been censored by sportsline for inappropriate language in your Post's this is your blog! I have started a list of the words that are apparently unacceptable to sensitive folks here in the free world, along with a list to choose from for replacements. Please feel free to add your own versions.

Here we go: Unacceptable -SH**:

Acceptable replacements: Bowel movement, excriment, fecal matter, sign-grandpa taught me that one while dear hunting, just after he told me to take off those dang gloves boy, the only thing you can do with gloves on is mess your pants! anyway where was I, oh yes the list. Defecation, stool, yesterdays lunch, pooh, dung, turds, poop, droppings, crap. By the way if the past tense for sit is sat and the past tense for spit is spat, then shouldn't the past tense for Sh** be Shat! Behold I have shat my pants! Dude, that guy really shat on me! Smells like someone shat in the conference room. Hey I think this could work, especially if you say it in a british accent, I say, I believe that I have shat myself.

Unacceptable: Take a Shi**!

Acceptable: I have to: duke, drop a chunky, push a stool, take a crap (by the way, why don't we leave a crap) have a bowel movement, drop trowl, leave a pile, drop a load, pinch a loaf, fertilize the fields, make poopy, do doo doo, soil some linens, drop the boys of at the pool, feed the fish and my personal favorite-Punch a Grumpy!!!

Unacceptable: He**! Acceptable: Hades, heck, everlasing inferno, satan's spa, lawyers r us, Lucifers place, pits of darkness and despair, and eternal doom!

Unacceptable: Da** or Da**it

Acceptable: Darn, dang, dadgum dadblasted, dingleberrys, dastardly, darnit, dangit, dagnabbit, darndable, dadblastid, and dashnaggit.

Unacceptable: The "F" bomb and it's -ing derivitive

Acceptable: Fornicate, fetch, frik, frack, F'd, and copulate, freakin, frikin, friggin, fornicating, makin whoopy, hidin the sausage, buryin the bone, slippin the wilbur, takin the worm fishin, bumpin uglies, grinding, doing the love dance, the sheet samba, tango for two, and rollin in the hay.

Unacceptable: Son of a Bit**!

Acceptable: Son of a Bishop's Granddaughter, son of gun, son of a cow biscuit, go home to the female dog that whelped you, (look up whelped if you don't know that word.), son of a hair lip hoover salesman, son of a stuttering salsa salesman, son of a stiff legged stripper, son of ______ fan(your favorite rival), son of a drunken sailer, and son of a nutcracker (from Elf). Please add your own!

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Disturbing thoughts, Aging and politics mingled with sports are what this blog is all about. Please enjoy and please leave responses. And please don't take offense to anything. It's called sarcasm!!
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